Randy and the Mob (2007) PG - 2 Stars

I've seen worse movies and I have to admit this movie did have me laugh a couple of times but seriously folks, I think you can pass this one up. The plot is predictable with a loan shark demanding his money and the character development is weak as people just sort of show up to complicate the story line. Maybe I missed some inside humor somewhere as other reviews I read depict a funnier scenario. The quaintness of a small Georgia town separates it from your other mob movies, but I was hoping for more laughs.

Randy Pearson (Ray McKinnon), is your typical middle class American guy living the American dream. He lives with his depressed wife Charlotte (Lisa Blount) who suffers from carpal tunnel syndrome as she teaches baton class. Randy's into just about every business in town but most of them aren't making any money. He soon finds himself faced with Italian mobster Franco (Paul Ben-Victor), demanding he makes good on his loan. Randy must turn to his wife and estranged gay twin brother Cecil (Ray McKinnon), for help. Now that he's in over his head with the Franco, Tino Armani (Walton Goggins), finds a way to start producing profits.

Capricorn Pictures, Ginny Mule Pictures, Timbergrove Entertainment
Director: Ray McKinnon
Writer: Ray McKinnon
Producers: David Koplan, Walton Goggins, Lisa Blount

I viewed 8/11

The Other Guys (2010) PG13 - 2 Stars

Oh brother! What can I say about throwing a bunch of named stars together and making a piece of crap. The only reason I am given it 2 stars is I still love Will Ferrell. But the days of his off beat innocence on "Saturday Night Live" and movies like "A Night at the Roxbury" are over. Will, why do you keep doing these mindless comedies - it's boggling to me. Reading some of the reviews that say how funny it is well to me it's stupid, not funny. The best part of the movie is Samuel L. Jackson and the "Rock" Dwane Johnson at the beginning and even then it wasn't funny to me. I think this is one you can miss completely.

Detective Allen Gamble, (Will Ferrell), and Detective Terry Hoitz, (Mark Wahlberg), have been doing their time in the office instead of out on the streets where the action is. Detective P.K. Highsmith, (Samuel L. Jackson), and Detective Christopher Danson, (Dwayne Johnson), were the macho heroes on the street until they jumped to their death going after once last bust. Now Captain Gene Mauch, (Michael Keaton), needs someone to step up to the plate and take their place. Gamble and Hoitz are the two least likely to succeed but rise to the occasion where the other guys could not.

Mosaic, Columbia Pictures, Sony Pictures
Director: Adam McKay
Writers: Adam McKay, Chris Henchy
Producers: Adam McKay, Jimmy Miller, Will Ferrell

I viewed 12/10

Downloading Nancy (2008) NR - 2 Stars

When I saw the name of this movie, I had to see it since it had to do with computers, and the main character is named Nancy. However, this is one dark bizarre depressing movie. Based loosely on the true story of Nancy Stockwell, who canvased the Internet to find someone to kill her and end her misery. The film really takes some time to get going and seems confusing at the beginning but I wasn't ready for where it was going.
 
The story... The wife is bored at home, been sexually abused as a child and wants to end it in a violent struggle. She meets an abusive man on line and hooks up with him to be pleased, tortured and eventually killed by him. But this sicko man loves the abuse so much himself and turns up at the Nancy's home in hopes of being tortured by her husband. Yes I do have it in my bizarre category.

Nancy Stockwell (Maria Bello), has lived most of her life with depression. From her early childhood abuse, she's learn to take comfort in self-inflicted pain. She lives with her husband Albert (Rufus Sewell), but is not satisfied in their marriage. While Albert is at work, Nancy leaves him a note saying she is going away to visit an old friend. She never calls her husband and when she doesn't return in a timely manner, Albert learns she's been using the computer to meet men like Louis Farley (Jason Patric). It seems Nancy's has been trying to recruit men on-line to kill her as she's can't take her life on her own. When she meets Louis, their attraction is strong and Albert's discovers this is who Nancy is with to plan her murder.

Tule River Films, World Premiere Entertainment

Director: Johan Renck

Writers: Pamela Cuming, Lee Ross
Producers: Igor Kovacevich, David Moore, Cole Payne

I viewed 4/11

Dragonslayer (2011) NR - 2 Stars

I usually fill my queue at Netflix with movies that have a rating of 3 and above, without paying much attention to their contents. It was my impression this film would be a sci-fi thriller about dragons as I rarely read the descriptions before watching. I never dreamed this was a documentary following one guy, Josh 'Skreech' Sandoval from Fullerton, and his passion for skateboarding intermixing with his responsibility into fatherhood. I'm assuming someone into skateboarding, and this lifestyle, get this title better than me. However, if skateboarding is your thing, you've probably heard of Skreech as he's been voted the "oddest" in So. California published  skateboarding magazines. He's young and at times irresponsible, with no apparent parental support or attachment (since they're never mentioned) but I say, if you can make money doing something your passionate about, follow your dream even if it means battling the business money making world of pro-skating.

 

The camera man, Tristan Patterson, does a good job following the day by day excursions of Skreech as he makes his choices, or lack there of them, in life. Though, I didn't learn anything new about the sport from watching the film, I do know many in the close knit community of skateboarders who band together like street gangs, in order to find acceptance and happiness.

Josh 'Skreech' Sandoval from Fullerton, California is a twenty something skateboarder. Parental guidance seems non existence as his street family has become a band of skateboarding, drug addicted punks. He's a legend around Orange County for his passion for the sport while not surrendering himself to the corporate world of profit. His passion is helmet less tricks done in local and abandoned swimming pools. His young life consists of getting high, drinking then skateboarding. Because of his non obligations, he travels to other states and even countries in the world, entering contests for some extra cash. His needs are minimal, living off cup of noodles and pitching a tent in any ones yard that will allow him. All that must change as he's now got responsibilities with a new son and wants him to grow up in a better environment then he did.

Awards include:

2011 - SXSW Film Festival - SXSW Competition Award
2011 - Hot Docs Canadian International Documentary Festival - Best International Documentary

Killer Films, Animals of Combat
Director: Tristan Patterson
Producer: John Baker, Tom Fanning,Christine Vachon

I viewed 8/12

Drive (2011) R - 2 Stars

I feel this movie had potential to be really great but not executed well at all. Gosling gives a almost wordless yet dramatic performance as a stuntman, mechanic and nice guy but we never learn his name. He's Driver and the best at what he does. When he's not working for the studios, he moon lights for thief's and other criminals that need a get-a-way driver. After moving into a new apartment, he gets involved with a heist gone bad, people are killed, and with a million dollars at stake. Now every one's looking for him.

Hollywood stunt driver (Ryan Gosling), spends his free time playing get-a-way driver for anyone who can afford his skills. He moves into a new apartment and meets Irene (Carey Mulligan), and her young son Benicio (Kaden Leos). Irene has been forced to become a single mom while her husband Standard (Oscar Isaac), awaits his release from jail. When Standard gets out, he decides he wants out of the business but has to pull off one last job to release his ties from criminal life. The Driver offers his services as he's become attached to Irene and Benicio and wants to protect them from Standard's questionable business arrangements. The robbery goes awry and Standard is killed, leaving a million dollar haul behind in Driver's car. Turns out New York crime boss Bernie Rose (Albert Brooks), and his partner Nino (Ron Perlman), want their money back and this Driver must come up with a plan that protects them all.

Bold Films, Odd Lot Entertainment, Marc Platt Productions, Motel Movies Director: Nicolas Winding Refn
Writer: Hossein Amini
Producers: Gary Michael Walters, Marc E. Platt, John Palermo

I viewed 8/12

Skyline (2010) PG 13 - 2 Stars

This movie almost makes me mad for wasting my time as I had such high anticipation of it being a great movie. It's nothing more then a good concept with bad execution. Though it has decent special effects, with a teeny bit of suspense, it does nothing with character development making the viewer not care whether the people are taken or not. The dialog doesn't explain anything and when you factor in the cheesy acting with direction leading all over the place, it's really is a huge waste of time. It looks as if the story was built around the CGI animation instead of a solid foundation to support it. Truly disappointing to me and just plain cheesy from start to finish.

Jarrod (Eric Balfour), and his girlfriend Elaine (Scottie Thompson), have come to Los Angeles to help celebrate Jarrod's best friend Terry's (Donald Faison), birthday. But as soon as they arrive, invaders come to take over the planet.

Rogue, Hydraulx Entertainment, Rat Entertainment, Transmission Pictures
Directors: Greg Strause, Colin Strause
Writers: Liam O'Donnell, Joshua Cordes
Producers: Kristian James Andresen, Liam O'Donnell, Colin Strause

I viewed 10/11

Trespass (2011) R - 2 Stars

Loving Cage and having total respect for Kidman's roles, this movie sounded like it should be exciting. But this is one of Kidman's and Cage's worse films ever. I feel robbed by wasting my time watching such a ludicrous script. To me, it's not suspenseful even though the musical score tries to suck you in. It's also a ridiculous plot and I became bored quickly.

This is my quick version of the characters. Dad - work aholic, Mom - Lonely, Daughter - Rebellious, spoiled and into boys. Mom's trying to put together a family dinner. Daughter sneaks out, robbers enter, most wearing horrible see-thru masks. Threaten family with a syringe of paralyzing serum. (Please tell me, if the robbers put so much effort into casing the joint inside and out before then, why bring a psychotic airhead girl with them that serves no purpose.) Then Dad tells the robbers he won't open safe. Daughter returns and offers money from a party she was just at. Daughter leaves, one robber's in love with the wife, fights break out with other robbers. (I'm still unsure if wife is in on it or not and even if she is, who cares.) After the fire scene I turned it off, which is so unlike me as I usually give the movie the benefit of the doubt, watching to the end. In my opinion, there is no ending that could have made this a good movie. I've read some other reviews before writing mine because I felt I was being harsh. I have to say, I'm surprised to read to see so many people enjoyed it. Were we watching the same movie? I'd advise not wasting your time.

Businessman Kyle Miller(Nicolas Cage), and his trophy wife Sarah (Nicole Kidman), are a well to do family living with their rebellious daughter Avery (Liana Liberato), in a secure neighborhood. They are having some work done to their home and Sarah can't help keep her eyes off of one of the handsome workers Jonah (Cam Gigandet). All seems normal in their somewhat happy home even when Avery sneaks out to go to a party she's forbidden to attend.

Little do they know that a thief named Elias (Ben Mendelsohn), has been casing their home for months. Now, complete with masks, Elias decides the time is right to move in. Along with a group of thugs and a girl named Petal (Jordana Spiro), Elias knocks on the door of the Millers home. The group of criminals barge in and take control over this family refusing to leave until their demands are met.

Millennium Entertainment
Director: Joel Schumacher
Writers: Eli Richbourg, Karl Gajdusek
Producers: Irwin Winkler, René Besson, David Winkler

I viewed 11/11

Little Fockers (2010) PG13 - 2 Stars

Another classic example of over doing something great. The original "Meet the Fockers," was hilarious. Perhaps it was the innocence of the characters or the freshness of a new idea. But, this 3rd in the series, you can chalk off your list. Little Fockers doesn't feature the kids doing zanny stuff, driving grandpa Burns mad. Why does the little girl not want to speak to her father? Is Jack ever going to give it a rest with Gaylor? Oh well, It's the same cliche' lines just more forced and really not very funny. As a matter of fact, the funniest part of the movie is the parity of YouTube videos featuring Gaylord Focker roasting Jack Burns, and that doesn't happen till the closing credits.

Jack (Robert De Niro), and Greg (Ben Stiller) , are still at each other in this third sequel to Meet the Fockers. Even though Jack's daughter and Greg have now been married over 10 years, Jack will never give up control over Greg's behavior. Greg is working two jobs to help support their new twin boys and a grand party is thrown for them just to get in a few more digs at Greg. Kevin (Owen Wilson), still carries a torch for Pam after all these years and Roz (Barbra Streisand) and Bernie Focker (Dustin Hoffman) throw their two cents into the mixture. Weeeee.

Universal Pictures
Director: Paul Weitz

Writers: Larry Stuckey, John Hamburg

Producers: Robert De Niro, John Hamburg, Jane Rosenthal

I viewed 4/11

In the Loop (2008) NR - 2 Stars

I have to say that most of this movie bored me. Could have something to do with it's all about politics which is something I often disagree with and I didn't think the punch lines were all that funny but more foul mouthed and unrealistic. It was hard for me to stay with the dialect with heavy British accents through most of it as I guess most of the humor is above my head. Do people really talk like this? I was surprised to see James Gandolfini in this playing a US general as I always love him in a movie.

British Secretary of State for International Development, Simon Foster (Tom Hollander), casually tells a reporter "war is unforeseeable." Later in a statement he says, "to walk the road of peace, sometimes we need to be ready to climb the mountain of conflict". Judy (Gina McKee), personal Director of Communications, now tries help control the situation along with British Communications Director, and a nasty mouthed Malcolm Tucker (Peter Capaldi). Damage control expert Toby (Chris Addison), comes into play as US Assistant Secretary for Diplomacy Karen Clarke (Mimi Kennedy), and US Lieutenant General George Miller are up against State Department US Assistant Secretary for Policy, Linton Barwick (David Rasche). They fake meetings, and leak information all in manoeuvring the vote between nations.

Awards include:
2009 - National Board of Review - Best Independent Film
2009 - New York Film Critics Circle - Best Screenplay

IFC Films
Director: Armando Iannucci
Writers: Simon Blackwell, Tony Roche, Jesse Armstrong
Producers: Adam Tandy, Kevin Loader

I viewed 12/10

Hunger (2008) NR - 2 Stars

WTF! Directed by Steve McQueen -huh? Obviously not THE Steve McQueen just done in 2008. The only thing I can say good about this movie is the incredible performance by Michael Fassbender. How in the hell could his body be put through this performance, unless of course it's special effects? I knew it was based upon the true story of one of the leaders of the Irish Republic Army, Bobby Sands (Michael Fassbender), and his strong belief in the IRA to stage a hunger strike that many other incarcerated men followed suit on. I can only imagine it looked as hideous as shown in this movie.

It's hard to understand Fassbender with his heavy accent and I turned subtitles on with his talk between the priest (Liam Cunningham), in order to understand what was being said. I didn't care for this movie as it is extremely slow and wastes film on scenes of no importance, like smoking in the snow and folding tiny foil packages. With no character development what so ever, the movie assumes you know a lot about the IRA movement and it doesn't explain anything about Bobby's life and how he got there. And who the hell is the guy who gets aced while visiting his mother? Was he the warden - a cop - prison guard? To me, the movie is just made up of shock value with good acting, a horrible story and no enlightenment.

Two other members Gerry Campbell (Liam McMahon), and Davey Gillen (Brian Milligan), share a cell together and along with other IRA members, they endure continual beatings in protest of wearing the prison attire. The want to be recognized as political prisoners and allowed to wear their own clothing. When that gets them no further than beat, Bobby decides to stage a final hunger strike to have their voices heard long after the men are dead.

Film4, Blast Films, IFC Films
Director: Steve McQueen
Writers: Enda Walsh, Steve McQueen
Producers: Laura Hastings-Smith, Robin Gutch

I viewed 1/11

The Donner Party (2009) R - 2 Stars

For such a simple movie, surprising enough it received an "R" rating. Probably for the violence in cannibalism this party of pioneering American emigrants endured on their quest to settle in California. Though the movie is severely flawed in both acting and no real character development, Crispin Glover gives a believable performance. It's no "Alive" but along with the forsaken sounding musical score, it held me captive. Knowing the movie is based on true events, is also hard to imagine the grim reality of drawing sticks to eat a friend or loved one for survival.

In the 1840's a group of pioneers, with their sights on California, are reaching the last of their supplies in the small encampment they call home. With blizzard winter conditions in full force, William Hastings enlightens the group their supplies are running out and tells them of a stock pile of supplies close by. Some of the men, women and children stay behind in hopes of supplies returning soon. The rest head off in search of food and finding a rescue team to go back for the others. The group known as "Forlorn Hope" takes Hastings suggestion to cut through the Sierra Mountains in order to shorten their journey. Truth be told, no supplies ahead as Hastings made the story up to get the group motivated to leave, giving them some hope of survival. The group lead by William Foster, (Crispin Glover), and William Eddy, (Clayne Crawford), trek further into the mountains only to find blinding snow without shelter. As members of the party fall ill, the others must make a gruesome decision to eat their fellow travelers in order to survive.

On January 19, 1847, 42 survivors from the Donner Party were rescued. Little did they know, they were only 5 miles from civilization at the time of their rescue.

Anacapa Entertainment
Director: T.J. Martin
Producers: Mark Costa, John Emerson Moore, Ted Meyer

I viewed 12/10

A Killer Within (2004) R - 2 Stars

With horrible acting right from the start, it was not hard for me to leave the room a few times without pausing the action, if you can call it that. It's not the worst movie I've ever seen and the storyline finally does come into play, but getting there was a ride I almost got off before it started. But it actually does have a plot and has an ending I was not exactly expecting.

Dallas attorney Addison Terrill, (C. Thomas Howell), works long hard hours to have a luxurious home and a trophy wife he adores. However Becky, (Sean Young), is bored with motherhood, drinks too much, acts like a spoiled brat and really doesn't like their child too much. When Addison has to work late one night, he arrives home to find his wife has been brutally murdered. With his son in the hospital as the only eye witness, Addison becomes the prime suspect. With time running out against clearing his name, he must request the help of best friends Sam, (Ben Browder), and wife Sarah, (DeDee Pfeiffer).

Fireside Entertainment, FilmCor Pictures, LLC
Director: Brad Keller
Producers: Joey Stewart, Anthony Bologna
Writers: Chris Peirson, William Peirson

I viewed 12/10

Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride: Hunter S. Thompson on Film (2006) NR - 2 Stars

Being the movie lover that I am, I felt in appropriate to educate myself more about key players in the industry. You're only going to enjoy this documentary, on the life of Hunter S. Thompson, if you're interested in learning more about the man behind the "Gonzo" journalism style. Gonzo style roughly involves the reporter writing himself as a central figure into whatever he's reporting on.

With touching tributes from Thompson's good friends like, Johnny Depp and Sean Penn, taken after his death, I felt the love they had for him from other's in the industry but I don't feel like I learned much more about him like what made him so anti establishment. Instead, I found the film a bit on the boring side more like a tribute than an insight. An old sounding Nick Nolte narrates while Tom Thurman directs. "Buy the ticket, take the ride," was also how Thompson lived by. He believed when you start something, you finish it no matter where the journey takes you and staying true to your course.

Thompson was a strange bird and his quirkiness will be etched into the archival pages of journalism for ever. When I first saw his film, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas," I thought it was about one of the most bizarre films I'd ever seen. Bill Murray perfectly captures Thompson down to the fact he doesn't move his mouth or lips when speaking making it hard to listen to his dialogue. For me, closed captions is the only way to go if you want to understand what he has to say. I've added "Buffalo Roam" to my list of movies to rent, more out of curiosity. I have another film at home to view, "Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson," so stayed tuned for that review soon.


Starz Original
Director: Tom Thurman
Writer: Tom Marksbury
Producers: Christopher Black, Tom Thurman

I viewed 4/10

Code Name: The Cleaner (2007) PG13 - 2 Stars

When am I going to learn that when my neighbor brings over a video and says, "Here, Watch this - It's really funny," to just say no. My opinion is, pass on this one if you are looking to laugh. Okay, there are about 4 funny parts that made me giggle but overall it's more like WTF. I was reading some of the reviews which say how funny this is, non stop laughter and you will laugh till it hurts which has me wondering what the hell I missed. Nicollette Sheridan gets to show off her hot body and I loved her in televisions Knotts landing, but she looks tired and old and just not a good movie actress. At least Lucy Liu held up her part better, as did Cedric the Entertainer who reminds me of a fatter version of Martin Lawrence. They did have a playful chemistry together.

Jake (Cedric the Entertainer), wakes up in Hotel bed with a dead FBI agent laying next to him and a briefcase full of cash. He has no memory of how he got there and what happened so the only thing to do is to run. Jake keep having flash backs of combat and Kung Fu and he believes he must have been some sort of spy for the C.I.A. or F.B.I.. When the cops show up looking for him, he runs right into the arms of Diane (Nicollette Sheridan), who tries to convince him she's his wife. Diane takes Jake back to "their" home which is a mansion complete with his own butler (Robert Clarke). Diane calls a doctor (Robert Clarke), who tells her Jake is suffering from amnesia. She does everything in her power to help stimulate his memories by seducing him though she is really just trying to find out where Jake hid a computer chip.

Jake needs to clear his head and at a diner, he jots down notes trying to figure out who he is. He finds out he also has a girlfriend when the waitress Gina (Lucy Liu), questions where he's been. She takes Jake to his real home in the ghetto and also bursts his bubble telling him he's a janitor at the place he thought he owned. She also tells him she'll help do whatever he needs to get his memory back. The more clues Jake receives, the more he remembers the computer chip everyone is talking about. Now if he can only remember where he hid it in time to save his life.

New Line Cinema
Director: Les Mayfield
Writers: Robert Adetuyi, George Gallo
Producers: Jay Stern, Cedric the Entertainer, Eric C. Rhone

I viewed 4/10

Blindness (2008) R - 2 Stars

Giving this two stars because Danny Glover is in it and I love Danny Glover. But Danny, what the heck are you doing in this one? What seems weird to me is I stayed with the entire movie all the way to the end. It had a way of attaching me to it maybe because I was waiting for something exciting to happen. Well, I'm still waiting and the ending is horrible. They never tell you why everyone went blind and why one lady is the only one who can see. I guess the dark drab cinematography is to make you blinded yourself and perhaps claustrophobic.

One person (Yusuke Iseya), suddenly becomes blind seeing everything white instead of black. He is helped out from behind his drivers seat while another man takes over to avoid a traffic jam. When he returns home to his wife (Yoshino Kimura ), he's missing his eyesight, car and keys. They see the doctor as well as the man who stole his car, who also can not see now. The doctor (Mark Ruffalo ), has never heard of anything like this and starts to research into it further. The doc returns home to his wife (Julianne Moore), and suddenly the doctor is blind too along with everyone who's been in contact with him and so on and so on The entire city, possibly the entire world as no one ever explains, is blind except for the doctors wife who fakes it to be allowed to stay with her husband. They are driven to a holding area and quarantined since it appears to be a contagious virus. But the government treats them as if they have the plague, locks them away where they must fend for themselves to stay alive.

Rhombus Media, Inc., O2 Filmes, Bee Vine Pictures, Miramax Films
Director: Fernando Meirelles
Writer: Don McKellar
Producers: Niv Fichman, Andrea Barata Ribeiro, Sonoko Sakai

I viewed 4/10

The Other Man (2008) R - 2 Stars

What I didn't understand about this movie is why does the husband get so insanely jealous and totally obsessed now learning of an affair that happened with his dead wife. The movie starts out with his wife leaving the house and you wonder if she has gone to be with another man. But no, she's been dead the whole time. Worse off , the husband flies to Milan, tracks the cheater down, plays chess with him, meets his family and they even become somewhat of friends. WTF? He should have at least smacked the guy in the eye. Liam is great, Banderas is cheesy, the cinematography is beautiful but mainly, the direction is horrible.

Peter (Liam Neeson), is obsessed with the fact his dead wife Lisa (Laura Linney), had an affair. I guess out of curiosity, or sheer boredom, Peter travels to Milan to meet his match Rafe (Antonio Banderas), perhaps to find out why she desired him.


Image Entertainment
Director: Richard Eyre
Writers: Charles Wood, Richard Eyre
Producers: Frank Doelger, Mary Beth O'Connor, David Richenthal

I viewed 1/10

House of 9 (2005) R - 2 Stas

At first, I was going to say what is Dennis Hopper doing in this film? After thinking about it for a moment, of course he's in this bizarre mystery film. This is a movie where you suffer with bad acting and a ridiculous story line, up until the very end of the movie which is the best part, also you cheer because it's over. Maybe the main problem is, these nine people, randomly kidnapped and thrown in a locked mansion together , have nothing to do with each other making it impossible for you to give two cents about any of them. Other than the dancer, the others are all people you yourself would hate to be locked up with. Maybe that's the point. Perhaps it was trying to be a game like "Saw," or "The Cube," but it never shows you anything about the owner of the game and seems so pointless. I did liked the DVD cover, which enticed me to watch the flick but the ending leads one to believe there could be a sequel, ugh, as I hope they avoid this.

Nine Strangers, a priest Father Duffy (Dennis Hopper), the dance Lea (Kelly Brook), the cop Jay (Raffaello Degruttola), husband Francis (Hippolyte Girardot) and wife Cynthia (Julienne Davis), drug addict Shona (Morven Christie), pro tennis player Claire Leevy (Susie Amy), and Max Roy (Peter Capaldi), are kidnapped and all awaken in a small mansion type setting with bricked in windows and steal locked doors. An announcers voice comes over a PA system explaining the nine are in a game of survival where there can be only one winner. The doors will not open until there is one survivor, who can walk through the door with their prize of 5 million dollars.

Bauer Martinez Studios, Deffender Film Fund Production
Director: Steven R. Monroe
Writer: Philippe Vidal
Producers: Philippe Martinez, Alan Latham, Karen Hamilton (II)

I viewed 2/10

Zombieland (2009) R - 2 Stars

The young girl behind the video counter says, "Have you seen Zombieland yet? It's pretty funny." So I say what the heck, she watches all sorts of movies working there right, and must know what she is talking about. Well nothing personal, but I thought this movie was a complete waste of my time. Starring Woody Harrelson, it's a perfect role for him, just not the perfect movie. But as I was corralling over the movie list to watch at Blockbuster, I noticed there are over 16 pages just dedicated to Zombie movies. Perhaps having said that, this just might be one of the better ones.

Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), seems to be an intelligent young man but cowardly when it comes to zombies. Though discovering he is the only one left in a small town, he packs his rifle and sets out to make it to Columbus too see if his parents are still alive. Along the way he meets up with Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), one bad ass zombie killer, in search of mankind's perfect food; the Twinkie. He offers Columbus a ride stopping at any grocery store a long the way to find his tasty treat. As they approach the next store, the men take out the zombies lurking in the store. But they also meet up with two girls Wichita (Emma Stone), and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin).

The girls are headed to California and try to ditch the guys a few times along the way. But it's the men who come to their rescue as the world is starting to bite off more than they can chew at the amusement park.

Sony Pictures Releasing
Director: Ruben Fleischer
Writers: Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick
Producer: Gavin Polone

I viewed 2/10

Killer Condom (1998) NR - 2 Stars

Why Oh Why do we have movies like this and better yet, why do I continue to watch them? Well my neighbor brought this one down and said "Add this to your reviews" and being the devoted viewer I am, all I can say is here's yet another one for my bizarre category. It's almost like a farce on the "B Movie" so for that, I'm giving it a 2. Based on Ralph Konig's German comic book the movie is also in German with subtitles.

Gay Detective Luigi Mackeroni (Udo Samel), secretly visits sleazy motels in search of pleasure. It's no secret that drag Queen Babette (Leonard Lansink), is in love with him as once the two were very close. But now Detective Luigi longs for more manly men. Meanwhile, ladies of the night have been seeing condoms come to life right before their eyes, literally cutting into their action. Luigi is committed to solving this dilemma but needs to be able to investigate one. Be careful for what you wish for as he's about to have a close encounter that might his end his manhood but more importantly redeem him on the force.

Troma Entertainment, Ascot Film and Fernsehproduction, Ecco Films Inc
Director: Martin Walz
Producers: Ralph S. Dietrich, Harald Reichebner, Michael Stricker
Writer: Ralph Honig

I viewed 10/09

The Education of Charlie Banks (2007) R - 2 Stars

I never felt any connection with Charlie Banks. I assume the viewer is suppose to feel for the character that is constantly one upped by the new kid in town. But the new kid in town, has much more personality then poor old Charlie Banks and I couldn't care a less that this bully was taking his life over. Silly me, I was hoping for more of a "Talented Mr. Ripley" type movie but this one pales in comparison.

Charlie Banks (Jesse Eisenberg) and his best friend, Danny (Chris Marquette), live in a rough part of New York, where being cool doesn't just happen but more earned. Mick (Jason Ritter), is the kid that is cool and the other boys admire him but also know of his violent side that makes him appear cool. One day during a fight, Mick almost kills two other boys and Charlie is a witness. When Charlie's father explains to him the other boys could have died, Charlie decides he can't keep quiet and tells the police what he saw. But when fear keeps Charlie from testifying, Mick is allowed to go free of all charges.

When Charlie and Danny go off to and Ivy League college at a private campus, Mick shows up without any warning for a visit. Charlie is a bit paranoid with Mick's arrival and wonders if he knows it was him who pointed the finger at him years ago. His very presence makes Charlie uneasy as he watches Mick become comfortable staying with the two boys. Mick doesn't even go to the college but still manages to start dressing like a wealthy student and winning over Charlie's friends, teachers and even making advances on Mary (Eva Amurri), the girl Charlie has a crush on. Before Mick can take over, Charlie must make a stand against him and come clean about the secrets of their past.

Strongheart Pictures, Straight Up Films, Inc., Anchor Bay Entertainment
Director: Fred Durst
Writer: Peter Elkoff
Producers: Michael Corrente, Marisa Polvino

I viewed 7/09